It was one year ago this month that everything started coming together. Scary to think that in one week, the past year and a half of my son's life began to unravel right before our eyes. It started as a comment made in passing by a mom in a local Moms Club. She was obnoxious and loud, but I owe her. I owe her big. Really BIG. She put the word Autism out there where I could hear it.
We had been at a local gymnastics place with a group of moms. Boo was having a blast and Gabe was everywhere. He was 1 1/2 years old and I felt that he was going to be the end of me. I could not rest. I was losing my friends and I did not see any other moms chasing their children like I did Gabe. "What was up with our genes!?" I thought to myself. My daughter was nice, easygoing, a true people pleaser. She would break into tears if she knew you were disappointed in her. Gabe had no idea you even cared. He didn't care.When it was time to leave, I was helping Boo with her coat and shoes and Gabe took off. Sweaty and tired, I ran after him and eventually pinned him between my two legs. He started screaming....LOUDLY. I am a very patient person, but I didn't think that I could do this anymore.
That's when I heard "Hey Kristin! I've got a kid leash in my car if you need it."
It was the loud mom. She really was trying to make light of the situation. What was kind've weird was that I was about to take her up on it, but knew Gabe needed to be carried, as always. The leash would've been useless.
She quickly quipped, "My friend used it for her son that was Autistic and forgot it in my car."
Gabe needs something that an Autistic child needs? My stomach lurched and I quickly thought about something else.
The next day I got online and looked up Autism. Gabe didn't line up toys or spin, so I thought whew. What got me was when I
started calling his name and he never responded. NEVER. No matter where I stood, no matter how close or far, he never flinched, smiled or acknowledged me there at all. By the time SD (Super Daddy) came home I was crying and screaming my son's name to no avail.He thought we should get his hearing checked. I hadn't even mentioned to him that I had suspected Gabe was Autistic. I could barely admit the possibility to myself. I read the word over and over online, but wasn't ready to say it.
That same week, we received our weekly Newsweek magazine. On the cover was a baby and the word Autism, BIG and BOLD. Why did I keep hearing this word? I was beginning to think that God was now shouting at me. I read the article over and over. I hid it in my nightstand drawer. I didn't want it to be a part of our lives....but it explained so much about Gabe. So many questions had answers now. But why? After all I had survived in my childhood, was this a way to repay me God? Why my son?
Why?
why?
why?
(To be continued)
