Monday, July 24, 2006

How hard it is to let go of anger...

I had a difficult time letting go of my anger yesterday. I rolled over in bed last night while SD and I were reading and asked, "Do you think I need anger management counseling?"
"No," he laughs.
I smiled, somewhat relieved.
But then, how am I always in these kind of situations?
Am I letting myself be a victim?
To poorly quote Dr. Phil, "What are you getting out of acting like a victim, because you always seem to be one?"
Am I, that is, a self appointed victim?
I need to let more roll off my back.
It's hard when comments are made about or against your child's circumstances.
I just stand there and let the words smack against my face.
The bruises turn a deep purple the following day and the anger festers, twisting in my stomach and my mind can't stop obsessing.

"Should I email her? Let her know that what she said really hurt me? And Boo?
I look at SD. I'm already forming the letter in my mind.
"No, I don't think that would be a good idea." He sees my angst. I know he just wants to help me get past this.
"Do you want me to rub your back?" It'll help get your mind off things."
"Ok. Thanks," I sigh trying to relax.



As I lay there I imagine our Christmas tree lined with stuffed animals around the bottom, presents stacked with shiny bows, gingerbread houses overflowing with freshly licked candy and the smiles on my children's faces as they wonder what Santa will bring this year.

That is my version of anger management.