Only a month left and thoughts of Gabe in our public school system create twists and turns in my stomach. It is in the dark corners, waiting, just waiting to take my child and do with him whatever pleases them. At least that's how I feel. What's baffles me still, is that it didn't start that way. I was way too trusting in the beginning. I handed over my beautiful boy with hopes that they would help me, that the public school system would see Gabe as the amazing and wonderful child that he is. I gave document after document, files and files about him, trying to help in anyway I could. I just wanted to make things as easy for them and Gabe. You know where those files are? All those confidential and extremely personal files ? They have been thrown in a folder that is also filed away, never read, never used to help Gabe.
My husband says we need to keep the communication open between the school and ourselves, that it will benefit everyone, especially Gabe, if we work with the system.
THE SYSTEM SCREWED ME AND GABE!
BUT, ......I know he's right.
I just don't know if I can do this.
What if the teacher is mean to Gabe? (Oh, he's the boy with the aggressive and persistent mother..... He's soooooo special. I can't help your child, because I have to help Gabe.....sneer)
I've never left Gabe with someone I didn't trust.
And I don't trust his teacher and I especially don't trust the public school system.
His first day of preschool is supposed to be a monumental occasion with pictures, smiles, tears and hugs. A switching of the guards. I feel like I will be instead throwing him off a cliff.
Today I have decided to hand it over to God for a few more weeks and then I will start researching alternatives. Although, I do not think that the schools around us have open enrollment.
I need a different picture to look at, because this one is too muddied.
