I thought to myself today, that the next time I post, it should be incredible. An incredible realization, incredible feat of parenthood, incredible insight. But, sadly, I have nothing to add. The last post drained me. It drained me of all my positive energy, hope and determination. Determination to be the best parent I can be to Gabe and Boo. Determination to be OK with who I am and how I have handled the last year. It seems I am being pulled between two worlds. One world that revolves around understanding ASD and the other world is all about being the mom I have tried so hard to be. I am having a hard time taking care of both worlds.
I feel that the "world of therapy", that has so warmly embraced my son, also encroaches on that precious time I should be spending with Gabe being the mom I was with Boo. I looked at our Parks and Recreation Catalogue
the other day and was so excited about the fun classes Gabe and I would do together. Highlighter in hand, I prepared to pick out at least three classes. Swimming classes, soccer and maybe a weekend adventure class. All the classes that we started with Boo at Gabe's age. The magic age of 3 years old. The door of opportunity opens! As I turned each page, my highlighter waited. Each class offered when Gabe is at ABA school. Perfect times for the child that stays at home with mom/dad and off for the summer from school. I think I highlighted one class. I closed the catalogue, feeling defeated. It's difficult to give each child the same
wonderful experiences as the other. Boo had endless "one on one" time with me. Gymboree classes, swimming classes, soccer, sports camp, picnics, playgroups, the list seems to go on and on. That is when I had the mommy world conquered. I was the mom I pictured I should be. I just don't have that same time for Gabe, because we spend 75% of our day traveling around the world of ASD. 
1 1/2 hour wake up/breakfast2 hours in the car each day
3 hours in ABA school
2-2 1/2 hours nap
1 hour therapy (2x per week)
2 1/2 hours - video (1/2 hour), play and dinner
1/2 hour bedtime routine
He wakes at 6:00 AM and is ready for bed at 6:30 PM. Has been that way for a long time. It doesn't leave much time for mommy time or daddy time even family time. I'm hoping as time passes these two worlds will either coexist easier or will merge into one.
