So, my birthday is coming up fast, just around the bend and with it, I feel like I am loosing my mind. The two being totally unrelated, I think.I'm anxious, irritable, elated, joyous, complacent, saddened,overwhelmed , energized and lost, but found all at the same time. Did I mention that I am exhausted?
I know there is something wrong, but am just too stubborn to approach the
medical community with the same gumption that I use with Gabe. I was diagnosed with borderline hypothyroidism when I was pregnant with Gabe. They prescribed the appropriate medication and off I went. At every checkup, I was inundated with questions about how I felt. Each month, as they massaged my neck looking for a goiter, I always responded with, "I feel pregnant." Because outside of all the stuff that goes with being pregnant having hypothyroidism just adds some pepper to the already salty soup.
Early symptoms:
Weakness
Fatigue
Cold intolerance
Constipation
Weight gain (unintentional)
Depression
Joint or muscle pain
Thin, brittle fingernails
Thin and brittle hair
Paleness
Some of those symptoms fit my pregnancy profile, except the hair and nails. I have always had thick hair and nails. But, I have terribly dry skin and hair.
They never felt a goiter and I was taken off the medication for hypothyroidism soon after Gabe was born. Do I still have hypothyroidism? Could it be depression? Anxiety issues? I just feel a little off. I'll be 35 years old soon. Did someone throw me on the menapause wagon a little too early? Early dementia? I'm at a loss as to where to start with the medical community. I don't even have a doctor. When I find one, they either disappear from "the group" (that should be a clear sign of something) or they leave to continue their profession elsewhere. So, I have specialists scattered everywhere, but no one that knows me, my medical history or needs.
I know there is something wrong, but am just too stubborn to approach the
medical community with the same gumption that I use with Gabe. I was diagnosed with borderline hypothyroidism when I was pregnant with Gabe. They prescribed the appropriate medication and off I went. At every checkup, I was inundated with questions about how I felt. Each month, as they massaged my neck looking for a goiter, I always responded with, "I feel pregnant." Because outside of all the stuff that goes with being pregnant having hypothyroidism just adds some pepper to the already salty soup.Early symptoms:
Weakness
Fatigue
Cold intolerance
Constipation
Weight gain (unintentional)
Depression
Joint or muscle pain
Thin, brittle fingernails
Thin and brittle hair
Paleness
Some of those symptoms fit my pregnancy profile, except the hair and nails. I have always had thick hair and nails. But, I have terribly dry skin and hair.
They never felt a goiter and I was taken off the medication for hypothyroidism soon after Gabe was born. Do I still have hypothyroidism? Could it be depression? Anxiety issues? I just feel a little off. I'll be 35 years old soon. Did someone throw me on the menapause wagon a little too early? Early dementia? I'm at a loss as to where to start with the medical community. I don't even have a doctor. When I find one, they either disappear from "the group" (that should be a clear sign of something) or they leave to continue their profession elsewhere. So, I have specialists scattered everywhere, but no one that knows me, my medical history or needs.
I couldn't even get an appointment today (Hello strep throat) because I had not seen a doctor within 'the group" within the last six months. I was not a "current" patient, so they could not squeeze me into their already booked time slots. I do not exist. I could not even get accepted by a group of people I would pay to see me. This left me with a whole new list of feelings to deal with today along with my burning throat, exhausted body, a killer headache and a sad Boo, because I was too sick to play Fairytopia with her. I always wondered why it is that someone doesn't hand you a maintence schedule at the doctors office? I could really use a clingy that reminds me that if I haven't had sex, slept well, or had skin that peeled and cracked no matter what, that in three months I need to see someone about it. I need a list that states specifically what I need to have done every so many "miles". I need it to cater specifically to me. Does the fact that my father had pallaps mean I should have a colonoscopy earlier? I need a list! I wanna know. Does the fact that my mom smoked consistency around me for 18 years and then I coninued for 9 years mean I should be screened for lung cancer?
As I get older, I find that I am more drawn to other people's health issues. I want to know what that test was like and how exactly does Chemo work? I want to be prepared. Is 35 the year you start planning for your health for tomorrow?
