This is me about two years ago. (Nevermind the hair, the wind is blowing and the haircut was an impulsive decision made at a vulnerable time.) I was so excited about my new bike! Not just that it was new, but because I had not owned a bike in years and (my in-laws didn't know this) it was the first NEW bike I had ever owned. I had SD (Super Daddy) video tape me as I pedaled up and down his parents' street. It probably looked silly, it didn't help that I was screaming and waiving like I was crowned Miss America. But, at the end of the day I ask myself sometimes "What is left for me?"***********
Here's an example, I have gone to "the doctor's" (therapist,specialist,
pediatrician,etc.) 4 times this week. On average it is at least 2 times a week. On average I spend at least 2 hrs for each of those appointments on the road not including appointment time. I love my children, I am, in fact, the one that makes all these appointments. But, after they are tucked in bed and I know I did everything in my power that day to ensure that they are safe, loved and taken care of, I find myself lost. I'm lost, because all my friends are talking about trips they go on, places they've been that day and the people they hung out with and I...well, I have been in waiting rooms...well...waiting. There are days when I want to say "I don't want to do this anymore." I want a normal life too. But, I look at the clock and I see my son's time slipping away. The "critical time for intervention" and I pick myself up, pack up the car and drive to another appointment. I can't even remember the "Before Autism Days". I know that they must be written down somewhere in my appointment filled agenda. Did I make appointments before for days to be "normal"? It feels so second nature to me now to schedule my days around doctor's schedules.
*****
Speaking of which, SD took Gabe into to see our Pediatrician today about his diarrhea. We will now be taking "specimens" (4 different/seperate ones!!!)The tests will indicate whether or not he has parasites or bacteria in his lower intestine. This our REGULAR pediatrician helping us. I must say that he has been more helpful than the "specialists". Atleast more trustworthy and open to different ideas. He's honest with us about what he may think is not medically valid, but will support us nonetheless. He also suggested that Gabe may be allergic/sensitive to milk. We're going to wait until after the testing to take out milk from his diet. Crossing my fingers and toes.
******
Anyway, what a bummer of a blog. I want to end this entry on a positive note. This is a picture that was 
taken yesterday when we went to the zoo and rode the train. Right as the train was taking off, Gabe shouted "GO!" Not said, but shouted. This would not have happened, I believe, if we had not spent so much time waiting in those damn waiting rooms.
