After leaving Gabe's previous preschool, CARE (Children With Autism Reaching Excellence), I found myself thrown full force into the stay at home mom life. And, for those of you that don't know, this life does not revolve around delicious ice cream filled chocolates, over stuffed couches, and a large screen TV playing Sex and the City reruns. There is a whole other time clock that is monitored closely by a new boss, the child that you entertain every second of the day. It can be exhausting and I might add with some guilt, a little mind numbing.
Gabe has a pretty good social schedule, and we have figured out what works well (it does cater much more to him) in terms of needed space and downtime, although it never seems long enough for me to recharge. It's the isolation and monotony that is beginning to take its toll. I don't think I complete even one thought or sentence a day. I am either interrupted or multitasking to the point where the joy of the conversation itself becomes a task I just want to finish. SD is the only adult I have a slight chance to talk to about something other than my child or any children for that matter. Problem is, my cherished time with my husband is challenged by my equally needy daughter, Boo. Boo desires the same companionship the minute she comes home from school. SD (Super Daddy) is a popular person in our home.
My tutoring with Gabe and ABA is going OK at home, better than I thought, mostly with continuity and amount of time. His intraverbal programs were tricky in the beginning, because they require so much language. (Go figure) We do have a great tutor that comes one day on the weekend to work for a few hours. She is incredible with helping fix what I may have done incorrectly with Gabe's programs. The maintenance for ABA is a lot of work. He has mastered a very large number of programs, some with exemplars that reach into the 40's. The intraverbals with extensions are a challenge. Gabe does about 1-2 hours a day of ABA provided by me. When I say that, it includes trials, play and motor. Some structured, some not. We also work on other target areas incidentally throughout the day like generalization, dressing, eating and behavior. Some days, I just want to throw his ABA book out the window, other days, it is like the Holy Bible. It definitely requires dedication. I do it even when I would rather jump off a cliff. Gabe and I always end up having fun, because we are really just playing with a purpose. It's that I have to do it that causes the tension. There are also days when Gabe would rather do anything but tell you what has a mane or what is salty.
Gabe has a pretty good social schedule, and we have figured out what works well (it does cater much more to him) in terms of needed space and downtime, although it never seems long enough for me to recharge. It's the isolation and monotony that is beginning to take its toll. I don't think I complete even one thought or sentence a day. I am either interrupted or multitasking to the point where the joy of the conversation itself becomes a task I just want to finish. SD is the only adult I have a slight chance to talk to about something other than my child or any children for that matter. Problem is, my cherished time with my husband is challenged by my equally needy daughter, Boo. Boo desires the same companionship the minute she comes home from school. SD (Super Daddy) is a popular person in our home.
My tutoring with Gabe and ABA is going OK at home, better than I thought, mostly with continuity and amount of time. His intraverbal programs were tricky in the beginning, because they require so much language. (Go figure) We do have a great tutor that comes one day on the weekend to work for a few hours. She is incredible with helping fix what I may have done incorrectly with Gabe's programs. The maintenance for ABA is a lot of work. He has mastered a very large number of programs, some with exemplars that reach into the 40's. The intraverbals with extensions are a challenge. Gabe does about 1-2 hours a day of ABA provided by me. When I say that, it includes trials, play and motor. Some structured, some not. We also work on other target areas incidentally throughout the day like generalization, dressing, eating and behavior. Some days, I just want to throw his ABA book out the window, other days, it is like the Holy Bible. It definitely requires dedication. I do it even when I would rather jump off a cliff. Gabe and I always end up having fun, because we are really just playing with a purpose. It's that I have to do it that causes the tension. There are also days when Gabe would rather do anything but tell you what has a mane or what is salty.
Gabe has also been testing boundaries...hourly. Turning the TV off brings out a side of Gabe that is the most challenging. I have tried everything, but obviously the no TV track. It's just not feasible. Why you ask? Because I am not willing to let it go. It's down to 2 1/2 hours a day, quite a feat for us, but still seems high to me. He is refusing to leave certain activities and places (Gymnastics, toy department at the store, Meijers)transitioning as we refer to it, and picking up Gabe is getting to be almost impossible at a solid 48 lbs. 43 inches. We have consulted someone and am working on various strategies to use with Gabe. I am tense and wonder when my hair is going to fall out. Did I mention it is every hour? For most transitions?
I know this is all me. It has nothing to do with Autism, bad hair days, or the impending emptiness of our bank account. It has to do with just hating winter, being trapped inside, not putting enough effort into maintaining friendships or extending myself beyond my "acceptable" boundaries. I have a period every winter when I just want to cry from frustration, feeling trapped, and wondering why in the hell do I still live in Michigan. It's only half way into February, green grass and sunshine do not even start to show until late May.
So, I vented. I'm a little lonely, lacking in coherent thought and without any ice cream that I can eat without feeling guilty that it is the middle of the day.
