A New Year

So, here is an odd tidbit about me that I bet you will say to yourself....."Ok...and what do I do with that?"

I am not a fan of odd numbers. 2006...good. 2007.....doesn't look or sound good to me.
Do I take it really serious? Do I meticulously plan outings from the home to occur only on even days? No, not really, but if I had to choose a day for an important date, I would definitely go even. As life sometimes just happens, many important dates in my life happened, oddly enough (no pun intended) on odd days, months or years. Both my children were born in odd months, on odd days in odd years, I think God was poking fun at my neuroses. I probably met SD on an odd day, month or year...Huh. Ya know what? It was an odd year that we met come to think of it! So maybe it should be the other way around? Who knows.

If you have a quick moment on New Years Eve, know that I am wishing you all well in the New Year and that secretly I am also wishing it was an even year. Just because.

CHEERS!!!!!

The Fundamental Question

"So, are you still teaching?" he looked at me, drink in hand.
"No, no I have two children. I taught for about seven years until my daughter was born." I proudly state.
"So, what do you do now?" he asks.
What do I do now? Huh. Did he miss the two children part?
And then it hit me. The little wheel turning in my head that says, "Yeah...what exactly are you doing now?"

My thoughts raced to find the answer. I let myself search through the past five years looking for something, anything that would be remarkable to say that I have done. What have I done? What have I done that would translate to the working world as something formidable, valuable to the whole of mankind or at least those that work nine to five. All I could think of was trains (I now know a lot about trains), School House Rock (I can sing almost every song) and Nemo underwear . Is that all I got? Thomas, kid songs and underwear?
So, nothing.....nothing comes out. And we stand staring at one another.

He's an aide to a US attorney, lives in a beautiful place on top of a mountain with his new wife, also an attorney, no kids. He and I are on totally separate paths, that is really apparent. I know that. But why, after five years, I still stumble when asks what I do as a mom?

He's a great guy, very funny, but it really struck a cord this time. Why haven't I gotten it together yet?

When SD and I went to bed that night, the answer finally came to me. What do I do as a mom? I love my children. I love them until I feel like I couldn't love them any more at the end of the day. That's what I do. Plain and simple.
Why is it hard to find that answer sometimes?
I wonder.

Making Friends

This past Tuesday was our last day at Gabe's ABA school. (I'll post more on that later) So, it has left a few days a little off schedule for Gabe and I. We haven't hung out at home for the past year and a half due to his school being about an hour away. I spent most days, while Gabe attended school, walking at a mall or floundering between Target and Kohls. You would think I would've done something spectacular with my time, like write a book or develop a plan to cure world hunger, but I didn't. Most of the time I enjoyed just being by myself . The stress of how our lives changed so rapidly after Gabe's diagnosis of ASD and what it entailed took quite a bit of time for me to get used to. I am stronger now and have a great exercise schedule that is keeping me healthier than I ever been in my life.

It felt really great not to do the long drive yesterday. The crazy, old people that seemed to hover around the area hospital where Gabe's school was, will not be missed. They drove without a purpose and seemed to believe that as long as they didn't hit your car really hard it was OK. It made the 20 minutes from the expressway to our destination very scary. I can not even count on one hand how many accidents I saw that happened about a mile from school. I will, however, miss the smiles from his therapists, secretary, and people from the program before. It's hard being a stay at home mom, it's the isolation that can get to you. When you know the cashiers by name at the supermarket, you have officially been inducted to the Stay At Home Mom's Club. I have my card, wanna see it?

So, with all that comes extra time. I already have a comprehensive plan, with goals, for Gabe that will begin after the holidays.But, I have two days of unplanned time. YIKES! I have managed to make it fun for me and for Gabe with these goals in mind....

1. I need to exercise 45 minutes both days in order to prepare for the two pieces of pie that SD's mom's will serve me on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day. Don't get me wrong, they are delicious, but two? I feel obligated. I say "small pieces, please" and I swear they are cut to wedges that look like the Titanic breaking through the ice dams!

2. Gabe is to have limited TV, computer and video game time. One video after lunch, video game for 1/2 hour when Boo comes home and 1/2 before lunch of computer time.

3. I will spend at least 2 hours of the day fully engaged with Gabe doing games, playing with toys or anything that he chooses to do. They may be broken up in 1/2 hour increments.

4. Gabe will spend some time playing with a toy independently that I have begun with him and then let him explore on his own. The Fisher Price toys and the train work well for this.

5. Both days Gabe will be given at least 45 minutes of social play with peers working on the following goals...

*Introducing himself to playdate
*Asking what their name is
*Asking if they want to play one of the following things....Chase, acting like a cat, playing dinosaurs, follow the leader (He may also just ask to play what they already maybe playing)
*Saying goodbye when they have to leave.

So, that leaves me with what happened today when we practiced our new skills.

After walking for 45 minutes (It is so much harder when you have to push a 4o lb. child in a crickety stroller), I was glistening for sure! Gabe got to chose what he wanted to do for fun, see the fish at the huge hunting store, look at the crocodile and fish at The Rain Forest Cafe or play in the play area in the middle of the food court. He happily chose the play area. Thank goodness, because it makes playing with someone easier. That is where we met Hailey. Hailey was a cute, outgoing and energetic little girl, Gabe's age, that was looking for a friend to play with. "Really?" I thought, with a smile.
"I just want to have a friend to play with." Hailey frowned.
"Hey,I have someone who would be a lot of fun to play with!" I turned to Gabe.
"This is Gabe and he loves to play." I looked at Gabe and I believe I saw a twinkle in his eye!

I prompted him to ask what her name was and it just went from there. I provided some guidance, sometimes for both of them on what and how to play together. They pretended to be cats as I fed them "treats", they chased each other, laughing and giggling. Gabe was so happy. I felt a glimmer of hope. Hope that we will be OK no matter what. And that's when I saw it....Gabe held her hand. He so very gently slide his little hand around hers and smiled. I got a lump in my throat, my little boy is growing up and he will be OK. Fantastic.

Hailey quickly pulled her hand away, not because she didn't appreciate the jester, but because she turned towards Gabe, said something, and they started running again...together.

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays!

I was a little flabbergasted for a minute there when blogger actually posted my picture. Kinda caught me off guard! (lol)

Can you believe we were all put on antibiotics with sinus infections the next day after this picture was taken? We felt a little under the weather, but wanted to get the picture done. We got one done and immediatley left. I think Gabe looks the best out of all of us! Although Boo is a very close second. She actaully broke out in a rash on her face the day before. We thought it was allergies and gave her benadryl (She gets Contact Dermatitis a lot), but it was a reaction to her sinus infection. She's such a trooper.

I am SO excited about Christmas this year. I just want to sing Rudolf from the roof tops. Having kids is the best!

Boo's Revisionist Take on History

The other day Boo came home from school and declared that she was indeed in a school play.
Excited about our "up and coming" actress' part we asked, "What is the play about?"

She proudly stated, "Baby Jesus and the Ranger."

This is what immediatly came to my mind.


Baby Jesus





















And the Ranger....






+

Number 1 and Number 2

Okay, I have officially declared potty training as the most difficult parental job ever. What is it about this particular skill that makes it so much harder than other skills I would deam more challenging, like, let's say, nursing? Although nursing is supposed to be mostly "instictive" for babies(It was for Boo, but not Gabe) some of us moms know that it can be anything but easy, natural and fulfilling. What about jumping off the couch from the back arch, landing 3 feet away on an ottoman? That takes talent, timing and muscle control.Oh well.
This by no means is an invitation to opening the doors to having a forum discussion on the dynamics of toileting, really I get it.I do not want to spend any more time talking about how that area of the body works. But, why oh why, does it have to be like this?

Gabe is doing better than we thought, but not as great as we wished. Is he right on par with his peers? Some of the remaining ones he is, mostly the ones who are just too stubborn to be potty trained. Gabe enjoys the whole pottying experience and the amazing things his "mister" can do, but has a hard time distiguishing between what is peeing and what exactly pooping is, whatever I say, such details can be sorted out later. So when I mention the partial success I am having with Gabe, it makes my friends with an NT child close in age quickly start to potty train thier kids the following weekend.

Gabe is where Boo was at a year and a half of age. She was fully potty trained at 2 1/2 years old, with minimal guidance.

"This is a potty Boo. You poop and pee in it. Yeah!" The end.

However, she also did not have the wonder that we refer to as "mister" doing marvelous things when she urinated, but I digress. Gabe is able to use the potty every 40-50 minutes with a good success rate. He is having problems when he is feeling a little tired, especially in the afternoon and bowel movements are being reserved for the more quite, private, VIP rooms in our house. So, he is having quite a few accidents later in the day. But, he tells me when it happens and we follow through with our potty training plan called Postive Practice, based, as you may have guessed it, all on behavior. Rewarding the behavior we want and not emotionally reacting to the behavior we don't , but instead turning around and practicing the behavior we want again. I am a true believer in Behavioral Therapy. It works for Gabe. It really works for anyone wanting to change an undesirable behavior to one that is desirable, like quiting smoking, wanting to exercise more, have a more positive attitude, can all be shaped through changing your behavior. Cool concept that actually works.

So, here I am, not quite an outcast on potty island. The missile fire from "mister", combined with the defacing of NEMO on his underware has made some days more challenging than others. But, we will get there togther.

Ah Ha!!!..Errrr...What was I saying?

I haven't posted in awhile, because I felt this overwhelming need to post only under a specific topic such as potty training, traveling with kids, or even a profound "Ah Ha!" moment shared with Gabe. But, life happened and the "Ah Ha" moments were celebrated and passed while mashed potatoes were being eaten and cooked carrots were being poked at, the lap top sitting ignored in another room.

Life just happened.

That's cool with me. But, then it's not. You see, I have a terrible memory, especially about the important moments. I am great about feeling the moment ( I will never foget how I felt when I first saw Boo and Gabe), but to remember the specifics get a little hazy over time. Here's an example, when Gabe was being diagnosed ASD, I was asked countless questions about Gabe and his developement that required specific dates.
Oh no.
I knew when he walked, how long he nursed for, but his first bite of food? Rolled over? First word spoken? Ahhh......hmmm......yikes, I could remember very little. I was lucky and for some reason ( Thank You God), I was incredibily meticulous about writing down everything about Gabe since his birth. Maybe it was the hormones.

Anyway....Wow..I really got off track. When I do not post, I feel like I am missing that great opportunity to hold on to at least a smidgen of wonderfulness that both children give me everyday that I would normally lose to maybe a grocery list or trying to remember what size shoe Gabe wears. (I'm rolling my eyes at myself). I still hold firm to the belief that all the sleep that I lost when both kids were really small made me a little senile and perhaps a little crazy.......

Now, where do I begin, what should I talk about? The fact that potty training has been happening for Gabe for the last two weeks? That he is playing with his peers exceptionally well? That shoes that have been peed on can only be washed so many times?
Oh!
What's that I hear?
The garage door is opening!
"Is that ice cream you're holding SD?"
YUMMY!
Okay. I gotta go.

A New Aspect Of Change

Gabe had a blast this weekend throwing pennies in a few fountains at the mall, courtsey of the grandparents.
"Water!" Gabe points.
"It's cold," he holds himself and pretends to shiver. "Brrrrr!"
"It's purple,"he looks down at the colored tile under the water. "Wow,"he whispers.

Boo liked to try to get her pennies directly in the center of the fountain. "That's cool!" she exclaimed with excitement.

Fountains and change was the highlight. How simple is that? Maybe I just need to throw more wishes into a fountain.


On Sunday, we all go to church with our bag of toys and a few suckers. Church, to me, is a lot to ask of young children, let alone adults, especially my denomination. This is what I remember as a child about church, my butt hurting from the pews, dead animals draped over women's shoulders, music lacking passion, and someone who talked forever...and forever...and forever. The church aspect about faith is not important to me, although I wish that there was more of a sense of community, but that's another story. What's important to me is that my children live there lives knowing that God is there to guide, love and cherish them always. So, I smile when Boo sings along and Gabe dances in my arms and that is all I expect from them at church.

Boo and Gabe's favorite part of church is the offering. All the children in the church walk down the aisle to a wooden well. Surrounding it, each one watches as the money clanks around until it's gone.

Grandpa gave Boo a one dollar coin. Her eyes widen as she looked at it, turned to me and said,"I don't have a quater like this mommy!"
Gabe had one quater and one nickel and off they went. Normally, I let Boo guide Gabe down and back, but this time she was mesmerized by the beauty of her coin. So, I followed a few steps behind.

Down the aisle we went, both a few steps ahead. I was in a sea of people that only came up to my waist. They all look so cute in pretty dresses, ties, khakis, button down shirts and an occasional pair of glittery ruby red shoes from Target. Boo reaches the fountain, poised to make the drop, when I turn to see Gabe, not at the offering well, but B-lining to the baptism fountain. Arm raised, fist clenched full of change, he pulls back ready to throw his money into the "fountain". My eyes widen, jaw drops. My God! Is he going to throw his change in the baptism fountain? I run, in what feels like slow motion, trying, desperately to reach him. I am caught in the sea of little people! "Excuse me. Yes." smile,"Pardon me." Please God, I pray, not the baptism fountain!

Then the gasps from the first few rows of pews.

Thoughts like...How do you get change out of a sacred fountain? Would I just casually reach in and fish them out? It looks pretty deep, would I wade in? What do they do with contaminated baptism water? Would we be the reason for the implementation of a sign stating "Change does NOT belong in the baptism fountain. It is not a wishing well!"

I reach him mid wind up, quickly releasing the change from his grip. I swear I heard a sigh of relief from the crowd. I guide Gabe to the well, drop the money in and try to slink away with the well dressed little people.

Happy Halloween

Gabe's wearing his Dinosaur...err...Crocodile costume!!!! Yahoooo! Candy is Gabe's ultimate reinforcer, besides Fritos.
Beautiful Boo is representing the magnificant and magical unicorn.

Shake it off

I feel like a wet dog, stopping to shake off all the water from my coat. The anxiety about the future was keeping me from moving forward, my coat felt very heavy. Now, I just want to go and play. Maybe a good game of fetch, followed by a nice rest on a pillowy bed. Ahhhhhh. This dog's done with the days of mated, smelly coats. I can't promise I won't get wet again, but today is a new day and who knows what the future may bring? Gabe has proven to us again and again that the unbelievable is believable and a cookie is not just a cookie.

Check out THE CHUB FILES to see just how far Gabe has come.

Not Just "Nope" Anymore

Today I was scared.
I haven't been this scared since Gabe's initial diagnosis. We have only until December 20th to get his noncompliance under control. After that it just me, no qualified therapists to manage the behavior at school. Twice monthly meetings with a Behavioral therapist and me the rest of the time.

For two hours this morning ,Gabe refused everything while at his ABA school. This is the same school with the same therapists that he has loved for over a year now. He would not comply with anything or anyone. There was screaming, crying, thrashing, restraining.....
As I watched threw a curtain, Gabe was removed to a private room to de-escalate, all I could think was, What can I sell that would enable him to come back to this program in Janurary? What am I willing to do to see that he is able to receive the therapy he needs to be able to work through his noncompliance successfully? My first thought was figure out a way to empty all of our retirement accounts, at a penalty of 34%. It still would not be enough. Then I looked down...and I noticed my wedding ring. What use is it to have something so beautiful resting on my finger while my son needs help so desperately? I started calculating what a pawn shop would give me. I tried to think of anythng else that we have of value....jewelery, antiques, bonds? My most valued possessons are my family. There isn't anything else.

So, that left SD's parents, whom we swore we would never ask for money again. Swallowing our pride, we accepted their money for this last semester and made that promise. I wondered if they would notice I no longer had a wedding ring? That all our accounts were empty? That Christmas this year would amount to presents to them, but none for us? I started to get resentful and angry, not just at them but the school system that would see this as a perfect opportunity to medicate Gabe's undesirable behavior, the insurance company happily shaking hands with Big Pharma while another "client" is sent their way and at myself for not being able to give my son everything he deserves. I was so beside myself that I could'nt cry. Our path had changed so rapidly before my eyes that I felt like a stunned deer standing like an ass in the middle of the road while head lights were coming closer and closer mumbling, "They're soooo perty!"

I'm scared, I'm lost and to top it all off, broke, not a dime in my pocket to make the changes that need to be made.

The Files Have Been Opened

It is still a work in progress, but the following is a link to my other blog dedicated totally to Gabe.





The Chub Files

Let me know what you think. Thanks...

What Happened To Fall?

This picture was taken fall 2005

It seems that every weekend this fall has been taken by bad weather or sickness. Rain and Boogers. We're anxious to get out and enjoy all the great things about fall, orchards, pumpkins, doughnuts, cider, apples, corn mazes, leaf piles, bugs, gardening.... Last weekend was nice, one of those days was spent cutting down two of our trees due to disease. What amazed me was that the tree that looked bigger was actually the smaller of the two. Boo and Gabe loved jumping from stump to stump. Our neighbors and us have lost five trees so far to this disease.

I wonder if today will be a better day to finally go get SD's pumpkin at the pumpkin patch? Boo, Gabe and I will be going to the Orchard to get ours this Friday. But, sadly, it sounds like the weather maybe raining and cold again. Gabe also has a cold with a wicked cough. It seems that now that he is older, the colds go straight to his chest. We use a nebulizer a few times a day. He has surprising raised his white flag and allows us to use it for five minutes on him every five hours. His breathing problems at birth may have finally caught up with him.

Wow, this post is as exciting as the weather outside!

There's just not much going on.

Hey! Over Here Super Daddy!

A couple nights ago, while laying in bed, SD (Super Daddy) turned to me and said,

"So, next semester we will be putting Gabe into "Public School S" in the district I teach in?

I paused, "Ahhh....No."

"Really?" he answered surprised.

"I'm not touching a public school with a ten foot pole in regards to Gabe. Not gonna happen." I swiftly turn the page to my current Newsweek.

"Huh. How come?" he gently asks.

I must admit that the last time we discussed Gabe's educational future, we had come to the conclusion that "Public School S" would be beneficial. In the last few months, I have withdrawn even further away from the idea of public school.

So, I began with this, "Special Education is anything but special. It is not fair and it is not appropriate, in fact, it is hardly anything at all but a day care to drop your child off at while the district reaps the funding, leaving those children without adequate services or services at all. IEPs serve only to keep parents complacent with the idea that they are helping, when in fact, it is not a partnership. I refuse to be part of the charade." Then I got off my pedestal. (I don't mean to offend anyone with the decision they made regarding their child and the public school. This is just where I am at with the public school system of which we are forced to work with in Michigan.)

"OK. Sounds good. What are the plans then?" He looked over at me again.

I felt bad. How would he know what I had been thinking. He has always been supportive of my ideas, knowing I have spent many sleepless nights thinking about every possible solution. If only he had read some of the many blogs I read each day describing the struggles, feelings of hurt, disappointment and anger from parents after an IEP, letter from the teacher or administrator that dismisses not only them but their child with a blink of an eye. He would've known that I was no longer in the spot where I left him standing.

"After Gabe's ABA School ends at the end of December, I was thinking of continuing to send Gabe two days a week to his current private preschool that works specifically with speech impaired children. Three Days a week, we would continue Gabe's ABA Therapy at home with me teaching. He would also return to speech two days a week. We could do more enrichment activities, like storytime at the library, playing at the park and just spending time together. Gabe and I missed out on that due to his early diagnosis and early intense intervention with ABA Therapy. " I said looking back at SD.

He put his Harry Potter book down on his chest, and replied, "Sounds like the best plan for Gabe."

Thanks for meeting me over here SD. It's kinda like the furniture, you never know where it will be when you come home.

.

BeCalculatingBeStingy

With all the facts in place, I have to admit that there is a slim chance we will be reimbursed. They have set so many road blocks. Each turn I took, they had meticulously laid a foundation that breeds failure for coverage. There was nothing that we could've done, not a referral, nothing, not one single thing that would have lead us to receiving coverage for ABA. Every path lead to the following roadblocks...

-No coverage for out of network mental health provider, referral or not. Has anyone found an in network ABA Therapist?

-Even if Gabe's school agreed to work with us and become an in network provider to work with BCBS's separate company (our great plan *sneer*, hands over all mental health claims and services to another company) it could take a year before they are considered in network, long after our claim has expired for reimbursement.

-Let's just say for agruement that hell froze over and BCBS reimbursed us for Gabe's ABA Therapy....The maximum we would get from our plan would be $2,000 per year out of the $24,000 that we have already spent this year alone.

- I found out who the mysterious case manager is....It's BCBS's solution to not having to deal with Mental Health Care. It is a company rather, that would work with the mysteriously unavailable in network provider that delivers ABA therapy services at a sweat shop pay rate. Where are those people?

-So, I thought I would then send Gabe to an in network psychologist that would refer him to an out of network psychologist (His current ABA therapist) and then happily receive my long over due rate of 90% unlimited services due to medical necessity and a happy stamp on my beautiful referral. Nope. My Mental Health Care Plan does not accept referrals for out of network doctors according to the service rep. The language in the contract is vague at best.

-BCBS.....You are sneaky. Those execs must be paid very well. How do they sleep at night knowing what they know?

That is to name only a few of the sordid tidbits left for us to pull our hair out on.

Where do we go from here?

- New plan.....New focus - Can't say what...but it's juicy. Will it work..not sure, but it's worth a try

- What's funny..not so much in a "HaHa" way, but more in the pinch the cheek and say sweetly, "You're so silly BCBS!" As parents, we will invest all we have in our children, no matter the cost or time. This whole appeal doesn't put me out, it's such a small thing on my to do list, but it's there and my child matters. That's where they fail....our love and dedication will surpass their need to draw out appeals, send irritating letters, because in the end I still have the drive to do what's best for my child and they will have even more parents like me cramming their faxes with paperwork. So there....

- I know I am right. Everything I believe about what I am doing is right. I don't need an insurance company to validate what I already know is valid. I have already won.

Just a few thoughts for today....

Just A Few Words Before I Can Peacefully Start My Weekend

Autism is not a mental health disorder.

Say it with me BCBS.....

Neurobiological...

Good...

And again...

Neurobiological

AGAIN!

Maybe with some more practice.

Why do we have to pass a law that would state the obvious?

Who Are You?

I never put too much thought into "when were you born" psychoanalysis, but then I came across this site and ...wow

Your Birthdate: March 28
You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.(I am Type A, but not that big)
You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems. (True)
Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego. (True for #1 and Yikes! for #2)
You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance. (Sometimes..more of myself than others....I strive for perfection, BUT only in certain things. The rest is normal, I swear.)
Your strength: Your bold approach to life (True )
Your weakness: You don't accept help (True, but has changed considerably since Gabe's diagnosis)
Your power color: Bronze (Really?)
Your power symbol: Pyramid (Huh..)
Your power month: October (I love fall)

What about you?
Go see at.....
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Thanks for the cool site Karmyn at Dreaming What Ifs...(http://klraisldreamings.blogspot.com/)

So Not Surprised

Got the call from BCBS.....Denied.

I would love to go into the details, but am choosing not to until the claim is settled. I am waiting for the official written reason for the claim being denied, sometime this week. Then, on to the appeal.

Bring it on.

One Ticket Please... To Crazy Town

These past few weeks I have been busy, very busy. Almost as if I was a squirrel gathering and burying nuts, building a nest that will ensure a safe journey through winter and of course, putting on my winter fat. Except, I'm obviously not a squirrel, but my gathering and burying could be compared to my constant faxing and phone calls to our insurance company and doctors, my nest is always challenged by my growing children and well, my winter bulge happens to mysteriously appear during very stressful times. Ice cream is at a premium, but my daughters birthday cake has leapt into 1st place as a necessary sedative at the end of the day. Where is the end? I am anxious to get there, nuts or no nuts. I need an end.

My claim has now passed through to the fourth level in my insurance company. It was passed from the customer service agent to the auditor, to the team of managers and now to the Medical Advisory Commission. It has take an entire month to know.....absolutely nothing. One thing I know is that out of all 6 doctors documenting in their evaluation that Gabe should receive at least 25 hours a week ABA therapy, half in network from a neurologist, pediatrician, doctor from a leading university, that they, BCBS, are trying to find a loophole in the one doctor's BCBS's out of network referral. Ah yes......that damn referral. You think you have got all your ducks in a row, turn your back and one looks cross eyed and an amazing amount of money goes out the door, not in your direction. I thought my parents expectation of being perfect was daunting....

So, I am waiting for the Medical Advisory Commission to rule on it and I should know by Thursday. I know it will be no and ...That's OK. I am already 4 steps ahead and am planning my appeal to the State of Michigan, who will be the "outside party" who evaluates appealed claims outside of insurance companies. BCBS will say no about three times, me appealing each time, then a new slate and a new appeal occurs with the state, hopefully in a couple months. I kinda want them to say no, just so I can make a point. So, my son and I can be heard in a forum not swayed by the insurance company and their shareholders. I just have to hope that the person that evaluates our claim from the state did not attain their job placement due to a shake of the hand with BCBS. Who knows? We're crossing our fingers, toes, legs, arms....cats legs.....you get the picture.

Meanwhile.........Gabe has been talking even more. His tone at times is "normal". Normal!!! I wish I could post a UTube short movie showing Gabe's high pitched talking. It is the one thing that really makes him stand out. It's common that children with speech difficulties that see a female speech therapist to mimic the tone that their therapist uses, especially if they are Autistic. Gabe is very literal, he will repeat something exactly as you said it. If I say it high, he says it high, low he low. BUT, now he seems to be finding his voice. It mostly comes out when he is mad at me. Here's an example, I was upstairs the other day grabbing something before taking both kids to school, and I hear Boo yell, "GABEY HAS EGGS!!!!GABEY HAS EGGS!!!"
"Eggs?"I thought to myself.....like the plastic Easter eggs? Surely not.......
As soon as the thought crossed my mind I was already at the bottom of the stairs starring at Gabe , who was sitting at the kitchen table carton of eggs in front of him.
"Eggs." He smiled at me.
"Oh no, Gabey we do not play with eggs sweetie." I take them and put them in the fridge. He has never done this before and what is the deal with eggs? What exactly was he going to do with them?
"EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He screams, tears in eyes.
I turn off the TV in order to direct him into the other room with Boo and away from the fridge.
"MOMMY! I WATCH BIG RED DOG!"
Clear as day.....perfect variation of tone. I stopped dead in my tracks.
"It's on in the other room." I say stunned.
He gets down off his chair runs in the other room.

I just heard my son.

It's hard to explain what it feels like to hear or see a glimpse of your child within their disability (Gabe's speech). It's the same beautiful view that you see everyday with them, but right there, to the left, you see the most amazing rainbow. That's the only way I can describe it.

My First Fax

I faxed 15 pages of "referrals for ABA Therapy" from 5 doctors in and out of network dating from the day that Gabe was diagnosed March of 2005 to an associate at BCBS. When I called to confirm this associate had received the fax, I was met with a surprised tone in his voice. I then came to the conclusion that he had definately underestimated me.

Stay tuned for the "Plan B" referral, detailed explanation of the code used for treatment that BCBS provide (Again, "Why do you provide codes that you don't know what they mean? If they are too vague, maybe you need to create some more specific codes for doctors to use."), my 2nd Fax experience (Yippeee!) and (Oh Yes!) The Preauthorization Request!

"Oh! Get out!...My life is so much more exciting than yours!"